Being Charlie Kaufman

Being Charlie Kaufman :: Multimedia

Multimedia

Below are downloadable movie trailers, clips and sound WAVs. You need QuickTime to view the trailers, and any audio player for the WAVs.

If you have any trouble downloading them, let me know.

Also note: multimedia uses up a lot of bandwidth, and bandwidth costs a lot of money. To ensure this page stays up, you might consider making a small donation.

Alien Nation

Little-known fact: in the '90s, Charlie co-wrote an episode of the TV series Alien Nation. (Two detectives - one human and one alien - fight crime in LA.) This episode, "Eyewitness News," involved the search for a fan obsessed with an alien porn star. The owner of the porn company is named Arvin Kaufman. Yes, Kaufman. The episode contains endless references to "that sleaze bucket Arvin Kaufman" and so on.

Many thanks to Twink Schiff for the info and clips. These are Windows Media files.

Clip 1
600KB Clip 2
1.4MB Clip 3
550KB Clip 4
765KB

Clip 5
880KB Clip 6
400KB Clip 7
435KB Clip 8
820KB

Trailers/Clips

Being John Malkovich

Quicktime files.

Trailer 1
2.9 MB Trailer 2
0.8 MB

(Source: ComingSoon.net)

Unsurprisngly, Being John Malkovich inspired numerous parodies. In this interview Kaufman mentions that he saw Being Ozzy Osborne and enjoyed it. I swear I heard somewhere that he and Spike Jonze also enjoyed Being Erin Brockovich. Visit iFilm via the links below to watch them both.

Being Ozzy Osborne
(14 minutes) Being Erin Brockovich
(20 minutes)

Human Nature

These trailers were released by the film's French distributor. Hence the French subtitles. Quicktime files.
Right-click and "Save Target As" (Internet Explorer) or "Save Link As" (Netscape).

Trailer 1
1.1MB Trailer 2
1.3MB Trailer 3
1.3MB Trailer 4
1.7MB Trailer 5
2.4MB

Trailer 6
2.0MB Trailer 7
1.0MB Trailer 8
1.2MB Trailer 9
1.0MB Trailer 10
0.7MB

(Source: ComingSoon.net)

The US trailer, released by New Line Cinema:
Trailer 11

(NOTE: You can't save this one.
You have to left-click and visit the site.)
(Source: Human Nature - Official Site)

Adaptation

The film's trailer:

Windows Media Real Player Quicktime

Hi Res | Low Res High Res | Low Res Trailer

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

Various Clips Re-release Trailer

(NOTE: Above link takes you to a page at the AboutJulia.Com website, from which you can download the original trailer and various Confessions clips.) (The second trailer, promoting the film's re-release in August 2003.)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Teaser/Official Trailers: Various formats

Lacuna Commercial
3MB
(TV commercial for the fictional "Lacuna Inc." Quicktime movie: 'Save Target As') Clip
(Short behind-the-scenes clip from Entertainment Tonight, provided by Marla at Admiring Kate.
Should load automatically in your browser.)

Charlie Kaufman on TV:

Charlie Rose interview
(video, 53MB)
Charlie Kaufman's first-ever TV interview.
Download the codec pack to view it. Charlie Rose interview
(MP3, 6.31MB)
Audio version of the Kaufman-Rose interview

Oscar speech (short)
5MB
Samuel L. Jackson announces winner, Charlie comes up and gives speech Oscar speech (long)
10MB
A longer version: Samuel comes out, introduces category and nominees, announces winner, Kaufman walks onstage and gives speech

Sounds

Being John Malkovich

Craig Schwartz: "There's a tiny door in my office, Maxine. It's a portal, and it takes you inside John Malkovich. You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes, and then after about 15 minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike!"
Maxine: "Sounds great! Who the f--- is John Malkovich?" adoor.wav

Craig: "Mr. Malkovich! I think I can explain!"
John Malkovich: "Yeah? Explain."
Craig: "My name is Craig Schwartz and we operate a little business here that simulates for our clientele, well, the experience of... of being you, actually."
Malkovich: "Simulates?"
Craig: "Yeah, after a fashion."
Malkovich: "What exactly does that mean?"
Craig: "Well, it's hard to describe." beingyou.wav

Dr. Lester: "So tell me Lotte, can you understand a word I'm saying?!"
Lotte Schwartz: "Oh yes, Dr. Lester, absolutely. You were just explaining the, um, nutritional value of ingesting minerals through a colloidal form, which I personally couldn't agree more with."
Dr. Lester: "Oh, be still my heart." bestill.wav

Malkovich: "The...this...the weird thing is this Maxine likes to call me Lotte."
Charlie Sheen:: "Ouch. That is hot! Maybe she's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover... Sounds like my kind of gal. Let me know when you're done with her, yeah?"
Malkovich: "What are you talking about, done with her, man? Tonight really freaked me out." callsme.wav

Craig: "I mean, how old are you, sir?"
Dr. Lester: "105. Carrot juice. Lots of it. I swear, sometimes it's not worth it. I piss orange. And I have to piss sitting down. Like a goddamn girlie-girl. Every 15 minutes." carrot.wav

Dr. Lester: "Any questions?"
Craig: "Well, just one. Why are these ceilings so low?"
Dr. Lester: "Low overhead, my boy! We pass the savings onto you! Hahaha!" ceilings.wav

Floris: "Mr. Juarez?"
Craig: "Oh! Yes?"
Floris: "Chest?"
Craig: "I said 'Yes'."
Floris: "You suggest what? I'm sorry, I have no time for piddling suggestions from mumbling job applicants. Besides, Dr. Lester will see you now." chest.wav

Malkovich: "I have been to the dark side! I have seen a world that no man should see!"
Craig: "Really? For most people, it's a rather pleasant experience." darkside.wav

Dr. Lester: "Floris! Get Guinness on the phone!"
Floris: "Ah, yes sir, Genghis Kahn Capone. Fine."
Dr. Lester: "Damn fine woman, Floris. I don't know how she puts up with this speech impediment of mine." guinness.wav

Lotte: "Being inside did something to me. I knew who I was! It was like everything made sense. You know? I-I knew who I was!"
Craig: "But you weren't you, you were John Malkovich."
Lotte: "I was, wasn't I? I was John Malkovich." inside.wav

Malkovich: "That portal is mine, and it must be sealed forever, for the love of God." ismine.wav

Dr. Lester: "You see, she's got her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western. I apologize if you can't understand a word I'm saying."
Craig: "No, I understand perfectly."
Dr. Lester: "Well, that's very kind of you to lie." kindlie.wav

Malkovich: "Charlie, I don't know anything about the girl, man! She could be like a f---ing witch or something!"
Charlie Sheen:: "That's even better! Hot lesbian witches, think about it! It's f---ing genius." leswitch.wav

Malkovich: "I want to do it, then."
Craig: "I'm sure that would pale in comparison to the actual experience."
Malkovich: "I WANT TO DO IT!!"
Craig: "Well, right now, Mr. Hiroshi's in the tube, and he's got about -"
Maxine: "Let him do it, Craig."
Craig: "Of course! Right this way, Mr. Malkovich! Compliments of the house." letmedoit.wav

Craig: "I made him move his arm across your girlfriend's glorious tit! Oh! And, I made him talk, sort of! It's just a matter of practice, before Malkovich is nothing more than another puppet hanging next to my work table." madehimtalk.wav

Craig: "Mr. Malkovich, sir. With all due respect, I discovered that portal. I mean, it's my livelihood, do you understand?"
Malkovich: "It's my head, Schwartz! IT'S MY HEAD! I will see you in court!" myhead.wav

Craig: "Actually, my name is Craig Schwartz, Dr. Lester."
Dr. Lester: "Security!"
Craig: "No, sir, it's... it's just a little mix up with your secretary. My name is Craig Schwartz. I tried to explain that to her."
Dr. Lester: "She's not my secretary. She's what they call an Executive Liaison. And I'm not banging her, if that's what you're implying."
Craig: "No sir, not at all. I think I must have simply misspoke." myname.wav

Craig: "I like you. I don't know what it is about you, but I... just..."
Maxine: "My tits?"
Craig: "NO! Ho-ho... no, no..."
Maxine: "No?"
Craig: "No, it's your energy, your attitude, the way you carry yourself."
Maxine: "You're not a fag, are you?"
Craig: "No, no... I am really attracted to you."
Maxine: "I AM really attracted to you... Christ, you are a fag. Okay, well, we can share recipes if you'd like, darling."
Craig: "No, no, no wait... I love your tits! I love them! I want to f--- them!"
Maxine: "Good! Great! Now we're getting somewhere! Not a chance!"
Maxine and Craig: "Ha ha ha ha!" mytits.wav

Dr. Lester: "You see, I've been, ah, very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech." tower.wav

Lotte: "There's no such thing as a hole or a portal into somebody's brain!"
Craig: "Yes there is. Could be a brain... or a soul, or whatever! I was inside John Malkovich lookin' out!" nosuch.wav

Charlie Sheen:: "You're nuts to let a girl go that calls you Lotte. I tell you that as a friend." nuts.wav

Craig: "What happens when a man goes through his own portal?"
Maxine: "We'll see!" ownportal.wav

Malkovich: "It's really good! I look really...amazing! I'd f--- me!" reallygood.wav

Restaurant Patron: "Excuse me. Are you John Malkovich?"
Malkovich: "Yes, I am." Restaurant patron ... "Wow. You're really great in that movie...where you play that retard."
Malkovich: "Oh, thank you very much." retard.wav

Malkovich: "Charlie, someone was talking through my mouth!"
Charlie Sheen:: "You were stoned. Case closed, end of story." someone.wav

Malkovich: "I gotta know the truth, Charlie."
Charlie Sheen:: "The truth is for suckers, Johnny boy." truth.wav

Maxine: "So I've been thinking... Is this Malkovich fellow appealing?"
Craig: "Maxine! Yes, of course, Maxine. He's a celebrity."
Maxine: "Good. We'll sell tickets."
Craig: "Tickets to Malkovich?"
Maxine: "Exactly. $200 a pop." tickets.wav

TV Commentator: "The enigmatic John Malkovich. One of the world's greatest entertainers, and the man who reinvented how we view puppeteering. Tonight, we look at the man above the strings, and the woman behind the man." enigmatic.wav

Hope Leaves The Theater

The entire radio play, written by Charlie Kaufman, performed by Hope Davis, Meryl Streep and Peter Dinklage. This was part of a double-bill play alongside the Coen Bros' "Sawbones," both of which were performed in New York and London. (Francis Fregoli's "Anomalisa" replaced "Sawbones" at UCLA.)

Many thanks to Patrick Sandiford and Anna B for the MP3s. The only difference between the MP3s is file size.

Theater of the New Ear (Complete)
(MP3, 100MB)
Currently unavailable Hope Leaves the Theater
(MP3, 45MB)
Currently unavailable

Music

Charlie Kaufman

A band named Fallen released a song called 'Charlie Kaufman,' even though neither CK nor any of his films are actually mentioned in the lyrics. Go figure.
Charlie Kaufman
(MP3, 2.15MB)

NOTE: All images, video and sound are copyright of the companies who made the films.


Video: Alien Nation \| Being John Malkovich \| Human Nature \| Adaptation \| Confessions of a Dangerous Mind \| Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Audio: Being John Malkovich \| Hope Leaves The Theater Music: Charlie Kaufman

Alien Nation
Little-known fact: in the '90s, Charlie co-wrote an episode of the TV series Alien Nation. (Two detectives - one human and one alien - fight crime in LA.) This episode, "Eyewitness News," involved the search for a fan obsessed with an alien porn star. The owner of the porn company is named Arvin Kaufman. Yes, Kaufman. The episode contains endless references to "that sleaze bucket Arvin Kaufman" and so on. Many thanks to Twink Schiff for the info and clips. These are Windows Media files.
Clip 1 600KB	Clip 2 1.4MB	Clip 3 550KB	Clip 4 765KB
Clip 5 880KB	Clip 6 400KB	Clip 7 435KB	Clip 8 820KB

Being John Malkovich
Quicktime files.
	Trailer 1 2.9 MB	Trailer 2 0.8 MB
(Source: ComingSoon.net)

Unsurprisngly, Being John Malkovich inspired numerous parodies. In this interview Kaufman mentions that he saw Being Ozzy Osborne and enjoyed it. I swear I heard somewhere that he and Spike Jonze also enjoyed Being Erin Brockovich. Visit iFilm via the links below to watch them both.
Being Ozzy Osborne (14 minutes)	Being Erin Brockovich (20 minutes)

Human Nature
These trailers were released by the film's French distributor. Hence the French subtitles. Quicktime files. Right-click and "Save Target As" (Internet Explorer) or "Save Link As" (Netscape).
Trailer 1 1.1MB	Trailer 2 1.3MB	Trailer 3 1.3MB	Trailer 4 1.7MB	Trailer 5 2.4MB
Trailer 6 2.0MB	Trailer 7 1.0MB	Trailer 8 1.2MB	Trailer 9 1.0MB	Trailer 10 0.7MB
(Source: ComingSoon.net)
The US trailer, released by New Line Cinema: Trailer 11
(NOTE: You can't save this one. You have to left-click and visit the site.) (Source: Human Nature - Official Site)

Adaptation
The film's trailer:
Windows Media	Real Player	Quicktime
Hi Res \| Low Res	High Res \| Low Res	Trailer

Below are clips taken from the official Adaptation website:
	Windows Media	Real Player
Trailer Featurette	High Res \| Low Res	High Res \| Low Res
"I'm done with fish"	High Res \| Low Res	High Res \| Low Res
"I'm Going Insane"	High Res \| Low Res	High Res \| Low Res
Nicolas Cage Interview clip: Working with Chris Cooper	High Res \| Low Res	High Res \| Low Res
Meryl Streep Interview Clip: Working with Spike	High Res \| Low Res	High Res \| Low Res
Chris Cooper Interview Clip: Playing Laroche	High Res \| Low Res	High Res \| Low Res

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
Various Clips	Re-release Trailer
(NOTE: Above link takes you to a page at the AboutJulia.Com website, from which you can download the original trailer and various Confessions clips.)	(The second trailer, promoting the film's re-release in August 2003.)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Teaser/Official Trailers: Various formats
Lacuna Commercial 3MB (TV commercial for the fictional "Lacuna Inc." Quicktime movie: 'Save Target As')	Clip (Short behind-the-scenes clip from Entertainment Tonight, provided by Marla at Admiring Kate. Should load automatically in your browser.)

Charlie Kaufman on TV:
Charlie Rose interview (video, 53MB) Charlie Kaufman's first-ever TV interview. Download the codec pack to view it.	Charlie Rose interview (MP3, 6.31MB) Audio version of the Kaufman-Rose interview
Oscar speech (short) 5MB Samuel L. Jackson announces winner, Charlie comes up and gives speech	Oscar speech (long) 10MB A longer version: Samuel comes out, introduces category and nominees, announces winner, Kaufman walks onstage and gives speech

Craig Schwartz: "There's a tiny door in my office, Maxine. It's a portal, and it takes you inside John Malkovich. You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes, and then after about 15 minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike!" Maxine: "Sounds great! Who the f--- is John Malkovich?"	adoor.wav
Craig: "Mr. Malkovich! I think I can explain!" John Malkovich: "Yeah? Explain." Craig: "My name is Craig Schwartz and we operate a little business here that simulates for our clientele, well, the experience of... of being you, actually." Malkovich: "Simulates?" Craig: "Yeah, after a fashion." Malkovich: "What exactly does that mean?" Craig: "Well, it's hard to describe."	beingyou.wav
Dr. Lester: "So tell me Lotte, can you understand a word I'm saying?!" Lotte Schwartz: "Oh yes, Dr. Lester, absolutely. You were just explaining the, um, nutritional value of ingesting minerals through a colloidal form, which I personally couldn't agree more with." Dr. Lester: "Oh, be still my heart."	bestill.wav
Malkovich: "The...this...the weird thing is this Maxine likes to call me Lotte." Charlie Sheen:: "Ouch. That is hot! Maybe she's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover... Sounds like my kind of gal. Let me know when you're done with her, yeah?" Malkovich: "What are you talking about, done with her, man? Tonight really freaked me out."	callsme.wav
Craig: "I mean, how old are you, sir?" Dr. Lester: "105. Carrot juice. Lots of it. I swear, sometimes it's not worth it. I piss orange. And I have to piss sitting down. Like a goddamn girlie-girl. Every 15 minutes."	carrot.wav
Dr. Lester: "Any questions?" Craig: "Well, just one. Why are these ceilings so low?" Dr. Lester: "Low overhead, my boy! We pass the savings onto you! Hahaha!"	ceilings.wav
Floris: "Mr. Juarez?" Craig: "Oh! Yes?" Floris: "Chest?" Craig: "I said 'Yes'." Floris: "You suggest what? I'm sorry, I have no time for piddling suggestions from mumbling job applicants. Besides, Dr. Lester will see you now."	chest.wav
Malkovich: "I have been to the dark side! I have seen a world that no man should see!" Craig: "Really? For most people, it's a rather pleasant experience."	darkside.wav
Dr. Lester: "Floris! Get Guinness on the phone!" Floris: "Ah, yes sir, Genghis Kahn Capone. Fine." Dr. Lester: "Damn fine woman, Floris. I don't know how she puts up with this speech impediment of mine."	guinness.wav
Lotte: "Being inside did something to me. I knew who I was! It was like everything made sense. You know? I-I knew who I was!" Craig: "But you weren't you, you were John Malkovich." Lotte: "I was, wasn't I? I was John Malkovich."	inside.wav
Malkovich: "That portal is mine, and it must be sealed forever, for the love of God."	ismine.wav
Dr. Lester: "You see, she's got her doctorate in speech impedimentology from Case Western. I apologize if you can't understand a word I'm saying." Craig: "No, I understand perfectly." Dr. Lester: "Well, that's very kind of you to lie."	kindlie.wav
Malkovich: "Charlie, I don't know anything about the girl, man! She could be like a f---ing witch or something!" Charlie Sheen:: "That's even better! Hot lesbian witches, think about it! It's f---ing genius."	leswitch.wav
Malkovich: "I want to do it, then." Craig: "I'm sure that would pale in comparison to the actual experience." Malkovich: "I WANT TO DO IT!!" Craig: "Well, right now, Mr. Hiroshi's in the tube, and he's got about -" Maxine: "Let him do it, Craig." Craig: "Of course! Right this way, Mr. Malkovich! Compliments of the house."	letmedoit.wav
Craig: "I made him move his arm across your girlfriend's glorious tit! Oh! And, I made him talk, sort of! It's just a matter of practice, before Malkovich is nothing more than another puppet hanging next to my work table."	madehimtalk.wav
Craig: "Mr. Malkovich, sir. With all due respect, I discovered that portal. I mean, it's my livelihood, do you understand?" Malkovich: "It's my head, Schwartz! IT'S MY HEAD! I will see you in court!"	myhead.wav
Craig: "Actually, my name is Craig Schwartz, Dr. Lester." Dr. Lester: "Security!" Craig: "No, sir, it's... it's just a little mix up with your secretary. My name is Craig Schwartz. I tried to explain that to her." Dr. Lester: "She's not my secretary. She's what they call an Executive Liaison. And I'm not banging her, if that's what you're implying." Craig: "No sir, not at all. I think I must have simply misspoke."	myname.wav
Craig: "I like you. I don't know what it is about you, but I... just..." Maxine: "My tits?" Craig: "NO! Ho-ho... no, no..." Maxine: "No?" Craig: "No, it's your energy, your attitude, the way you carry yourself." Maxine: "You're not a fag, are you?" Craig: "No, no... I am really attracted to you." Maxine: "I AM really attracted to you... Christ, you are a fag. Okay, well, we can share recipes if you'd like, darling." Craig: "No, no, no wait... I love your tits! I love them! I want to f--- them!" Maxine: "Good! Great! Now we're getting somewhere! Not a chance!" Maxine and Craig: "Ha ha ha ha!"	mytits.wav
Dr. Lester: "You see, I've been, ah, very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech."	tower.wav
Lotte: "There's no such thing as a hole or a portal into somebody's brain!" Craig: "Yes there is. Could be a brain... or a soul, or whatever! I was inside John Malkovich lookin' out!"	nosuch.wav
Charlie Sheen:: "You're nuts to let a girl go that calls you Lotte. I tell you that as a friend."	nuts.wav
Craig: "What happens when a man goes through his own portal?" Maxine: "We'll see!"	ownportal.wav
Malkovich: "It's really good! I look really...amazing! I'd f--- me!"	reallygood.wav
Restaurant Patron: "Excuse me. Are you John Malkovich?" Malkovich: "Yes, I am." Restaurant patron ... "Wow. You're really great in that movie...where you play that retard." Malkovich: "Oh, thank you very much."	retard.wav
Malkovich: "Charlie, someone was talking through my mouth!" Charlie Sheen:: "You were stoned. Case closed, end of story."	someone.wav
Malkovich: "I gotta know the truth, Charlie." Charlie Sheen:: "The truth is for suckers, Johnny boy."	truth.wav
Maxine: "So I've been thinking... Is this Malkovich fellow appealing?" Craig: "Maxine! Yes, of course, Maxine. He's a celebrity." Maxine: "Good. We'll sell tickets." Craig: "Tickets to Malkovich?" Maxine: "Exactly. $200 a pop."	tickets.wav
TV Commentator: "The enigmatic John Malkovich. One of the world's greatest entertainers, and the man who reinvented how we view puppeteering. Tonight, we look at the man above the strings, and the woman behind the man."	enigmatic.wav

Hope Leaves The Theater
The entire radio play, written by Charlie Kaufman, performed by Hope Davis, Meryl Streep and Peter Dinklage. This was part of a double-bill play alongside the Coen Bros' "Sawbones," both of which were performed in New York and London. (Francis Fregoli's "Anomalisa" replaced "Sawbones" at UCLA.) Many thanks to Patrick Sandiford and Anna B for the MP3s. The only difference between the MP3s is file size.
Theater of the New Ear (Complete) (MP3, 100MB) Currently unavailable	Hope Leaves the Theater (MP3, 45MB) Currently unavailable